Where it all began..

So my precious baby girl Kayla is 2 months old today. I can not wrap my mind around the fact that this time 2 months ago I was looking at this tiny little being & wondering what the hell to do with her.
Even though she was very planned & for as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a mom I was so overwhelmed with feelings.

Wayne & I tried for baby number 1 in Sept 2007, I went off the pill & patiently waited every month NOT to have a period, month after month I was devestated that it had not happened yet, but in March 2008 I was late, 5 days late. 2 pee tests showed negative & finally after blood tests it was confirmed that I was about 4 1/2 weeks pregnant. We told our parents (except my dad who had already passed away but I knew he knew & was happy), our family & friends & we planned & talked about the future we would have. The following week my mom & I went down to KZN to scatter my dad's ashes which was heart breaking but the closer my mom & I both desperately needed.

At 18 weeks blood tests reveiled that my baby may have Trisomy18.. what is that you ask? In short it's a chromosomal abnormality. Not knowing what it meant I was refered to a Fetal Sepcialist (Prof E Nicolaou) who I could olny see over a week later, he showed us on a scan that our baby was not developing & after an amnio it showed that our SON did in fact have Trisomy18. It was recomended that we terminate. Which we did at 20 weeks (July 2008).

Devestated & heart broken we tried again not to replace our angel son Brayden but to give him a brother or sister. In October 2008 after being late again I went for blood tests which showed I was pregnant, very scared, excited, nervous, anxious & any other feeling imaginable we told our parents, we decided to keep this pregnancy a secret for a few weeks so we could enjoy the moment and work through our own feelings. We told family & friends 2 weeks later.

Today I listen to my baby girl Kayla Bayley Shaw playing in her cot & wonder how I survived the past year!