Oh my word where has the time gone?! My angel child is 9 months old today.
A close friend had her second baby this week and when we went to see her in the hospital (the same one I had kayla in) it brought back soooo many menories (good and bad).
I have looked at so many photos from when Kayla was born and reminiced and thought back and realised how far I have come as a woman and a mother.
I love Kayla with all my heart and soul and would never exchange her for anything, I would give my heart for her to survive and the love I feel is so hard to put into words.
She is crawling up a storm (since feb) and cruises along all the furniture, says 'babababababa' and mumumumum (think that means mom). She is 9.25kg, 70cm tall and such a little star.
Went for sleep training yesterday and will officially start on Monday (after the long weekend) but have kind of started with the basics so by Monday she will know what I am talking about.
She is not a bad sleeper at night she pretty much sleeps through but it's the rocking in the day and the time I waste doing it, she needs to learn to fall asleep on her own and not rely on me so much, I think it will do her and me a whole lot of good - think it's gonna be tough but we'll get there.
Will keep you posted...
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
3 YEARS
3 years ago today mt dad passed away and mine & my mom's world fell apart. 3 years later I look back and the feelings I felt that very day are still very much there.
I miss my dad so much especially now that Kayla is here as I know he would have loved her so much.
I'm making all my dad's favourites for dinner tonight and my mom is coming for dinner! We do this every year. My dad loved Castle beer, steak , onion rings, chips (not soggy they must be crispy) and so that's what we having tonight!
Dad I love you today and every day and mis syou soooo much! I know you watching down on my from Heaven where I know you are at peace, not suffering and happy and I thank God for the time I did get to share with you. I love you daddy!
I miss my dad so much especially now that Kayla is here as I know he would have loved her so much.
I'm making all my dad's favourites for dinner tonight and my mom is coming for dinner! We do this every year. My dad loved Castle beer, steak , onion rings, chips (not soggy they must be crispy) and so that's what we having tonight!
Dad I love you today and every day and mis syou soooo much! I know you watching down on my from Heaven where I know you are at peace, not suffering and happy and I thank God for the time I did get to share with you. I love you daddy!
Monday, January 18, 2010
NAUGHTY MOMMY!! :-)
Naught mommy I gave Kayla Ice-cream for dinner last night. She has been so off the last few days and yesterday she was a total nightmare, she was whining and moaning non stop, she screamed through dinner and refused to eat anything that I made her (even her favourites), I eventually thought maybe her teeth were sore and my hubby had bought me a Magnum so the thought let me let her have some!
She loved it, screamed every time I took it away. The pictures where priceless
NAUGHTY MOMMY!
Post baby regrets
I love my little Kayla will all my heart and while reading through the OPM posts I notice so many ladies have had babies recently and it's so nice to see our OPM family grow.
But I keep having these post baby regrets, I am not actually sure of regret is the right word but I feel alot of guilt of how I felt and should have felt and did not feel after she was born.
Every time someone else goes in for their turn I try relive my experience of having Kayla in hope that the feelings I missed out on suddenly appear.
Everytime I hear a new mommy say how in love with their newborn they are my heart sinks. Don't get me wrong here, I did love my newborn but I feel I could have and should have loved her more, it took me a good month or so to be able to honestly say I LOVE HER.
I think with her Colic and my PND and her reflux and her non exsistent sleeping habits I was tired, frustrated and flat out not loving this creature that God blessed me with who was making me suffer so much.
Everytime I look at Kayla now I love her more and more even though each day ends and I can't imagine loving her any more, I can not imagine my life without her and I would give my own life to spare hers and I know that is all the matters but I feel like I missed out, I missed out on all the gushyness and that I maybe had too many expectations for myself and my new born that I lost the moments that you only have once in your life.
I am not sure if this post is making sence but I have had these feelings rolling around in my head for a while and finally have found a moment to put them all down.
But I keep having these post baby regrets, I am not actually sure of regret is the right word but I feel alot of guilt of how I felt and should have felt and did not feel after she was born.
Every time someone else goes in for their turn I try relive my experience of having Kayla in hope that the feelings I missed out on suddenly appear.
Everytime I hear a new mommy say how in love with their newborn they are my heart sinks. Don't get me wrong here, I did love my newborn but I feel I could have and should have loved her more, it took me a good month or so to be able to honestly say I LOVE HER.
I think with her Colic and my PND and her reflux and her non exsistent sleeping habits I was tired, frustrated and flat out not loving this creature that God blessed me with who was making me suffer so much.
Everytime I look at Kayla now I love her more and more even though each day ends and I can't imagine loving her any more, I can not imagine my life without her and I would give my own life to spare hers and I know that is all the matters but I feel like I missed out, I missed out on all the gushyness and that I maybe had too many expectations for myself and my new born that I lost the moments that you only have once in your life.
I am not sure if this post is making sence but I have had these feelings rolling around in my head for a while and finally have found a moment to put them all down.
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