Feeling like a bad mommy..

I knew that when I fell pregnant everyone would be an expert on my unborn baby, then when Kayla was born I knew everyone and their aunty would have an opinion about how I should feed, bathed or changed her, including my own family and friends.

I am a very open person who is willing to listen to advise (as I also often ask for it) but also feel it my choice as the mother to my baby to use the advise or not.

For a while now (especially since my cousin and her baby arrived from the UK) I have been told what to do and how to do it by some family members and it's been fine but when it is constantly made an issue of I start to get a little pissed off. I appreciate the advise and concern but not every baby is the same and when your baby is constantly being compared (which I also think is a very natural thing, I often find myself doing it too) it is very difficult.

Yesterday for example we went to a family braai. Kayla was tired and when I miss her sleep time by 5 min she fights me and cries. I have been told on many occassions that she had wind ansd that is why she fights me, but actually since I have spent the last 3 months with her 24 hours a day I think I know when my baby has wind, is tired or hurting. Anyway so Kayla was due for a sleep and I tried to put her to sleep in the lounge in her pram and it worked, however she slept for 5 minutes and when some poeple went into the house she woke up. Eventually I went to put her upstairs in the bedroom (as this is how she sleeps well at home) and she slept for just under 2 hours.
When I went back to sit at the table I was told to make her learn to sleep in noise and to stop making it so difficult for myself. i calmly explained that I have just gotten Kayla into a sleep routine and she is not fond of sleeping with noise (I can't so how can I expect her to?) and she is a very light sleeper so any new or sudden noises wake her up. At home when she sleeps I have the TV on or music playing, our parrot talks one to the dozen so she is ok with familiar noise.

Then after she woke up she was fed and she started rubbing her eyes, so I put her in my arms after she played with one of the other guests and she started to doze, so I left her in my arms and the same family member asked how she can still be tired when she has just woken up? if she is tired she is tired what am I supposed to do about it? At home she has a long afternoon nap and this is what she is used to. They also asked why I have to sit with her while she falls alseep and and why don't I just leave her to fall asleep on her own.. Well that's a valid question but she just doesn't, never has. I don't have to rock her to sleep but just to sit with her till she drifts off then I can leave her. Yes it is time consuming but alot less stressful that just leaving her and an hour later she is so over tired she screams and fights and it takes me another hour and alot of energy to get her asleep. I was also told not to respond to her crying too quickly which I don't (unless the cry or noise she makes is not her normal maoning)..

My family member also asked why she needs so much sleep, is it important beacuse my cousin's baby hardly sleeps in the day and he's fine? Well of course sleep is important and I know when my child is tired and what signs to look for and if she does not sleep she just screams and is a missery.

On Sat we went to friends for a braai at about 3pm. Kayla did not have much of a late morning nap and was so tired when we got to my friends, I would put her to sleep and she would wake up 5 min later, then 10 min of smiling and cooing she would scream her head off. By the time I bathed her and got her to sleep I was drained. So by Sunday I was already an emotional wreck and a little sensitive. And all the questioning and 'judging' made me feel like a crappy mother. I told DH I wanted to go and we left (it was Kayla's bath time anyway). When we got home I just cried beacuse I felt like such a failure. I keep asking myself what have I done wrong, am I a bad mom to my baby, could I do things differently and yes I probably could but I have come a long way from having a baby that would take hours to fall asleep during the night to falling asleep within min of finishing a bottle, who always had to be held and rocked to sleep to being put down and patted to sleep, my baby just needs to know you there you don't even have to touch her while she drifts off.

Kayla was a winter baby so we very seldome left the house (especially at night) and only now that she is getting a little older do I feel it's ok. As long as there is not going to be a huge party (i.e loud music and tons of people) but a few poeple and a quite braai that will not finish off too late I am happy to take her. She has to learn to fit in with our lifestlye but she is also still small so who can blame her for not sleeping with noise?

I am trying to get her into the habit of falling asleep on her own but it does not happen over night. I feel luck such a failure as a mother and that I am doing her more harm than good. But I know my baby, I know her cries, her habits, her routine and what is best for her and works for her (and me) but why does that not make me feel better. If i am questioned at every turn how am I going to do the best for my baby girl?